Sometimes, it's just so hard to praise God in such situations. Hmmm~ After waiting approximately 12 hours to be able to log into the UTAR Portal(I was shocked when I managed to actually get in), I was horrified to see the results staring back at me.
I seriously wanted to cry but I was talking to Teletubby on MSN at the moment when I logged in and he told me, God is in control. HE is a big God and He loves us, understands us and knows what's best for us.
HE could choose to give me good results, but if He did not,surely there's a lesson behind this and His will is what I need to find out.Maybe He has other plans? Who knows? I need to ask Him.
What I may want for myself may not be what's best for me. And when He has closed a door, He will certainly open another.
Some of you might not know this, but I'm aiming to graduate with first class honors and I was 0.28 away from my target hence, was sitting for this semester's exams with super high expectations coz the subjects were not hard, except, oh well, Communication Law which I hate.But even then, I hoped to get at the worse, a "B-" for it!!!Come on, I hate it, but after revision, I found out I'm not too bad at it and can actually COACH my classmate during study week~!!! And yes, although we got lowest (70% out of 100%) for our written assignment in this subject, at least, we DID IT ON OUR OWN and didn't copy our seniors work OR simply modify and plagiarize previous work and hand it as our own like some of my classmates did(the ones who scored undeserved A's and always ALWAYS cheat in exams, assignments wadeva)!!!
And no, *disclaimer : I'm not jealous or anything, coz it's proven that they always do badly in both coursework and finals when they can't copy~!!!
BACK TO THE TOPIC -
The thing is, I can't get my scholarship IF I graduate with results like this. This means I cannot further my studies for free or at a special rate when I graduate UNLESS I turn into one of UTAR's part-time tutors and risk being sent to KAMPAR.
NOT ONLY THAT, The STAR and New Straits Times would decline to employ me(with such a CGPA) as they want candidates with a minimum of 3.6 and above!!! There's two plans gone for you. Two doors closed.
That's why I'm sad. I studied everything for this exam (I'm seldom so well prepared I admit) and I certainly did not expect this to happen!!!
Yes, I know I have one more semester ahead of me next week. A short one with my Final Year Project which carries 6 credit hours. But those two subjects involve technical work - a Herculean task for me, a dinosaur whose classmates(though they themselves are ever ready to ask you for advice or help regarding academic work or to edit their written reports) do not care to share their software skills acquired however brilliant they are at those. You may help them, but don't expect help in return when you need it.
Hmmmm~ Online Journalism and Broadcast Journalism and then my Final Year Project. To score A's in ALL would be a miracle!!! And nothing short of a big one I tell you~!
Below are, okay, WERE my Previous plans for the future :
Plan A - Further my studies First
1. Work part-time as a UTAR tutor in PJ(before we all move to Kampar) and meanwhile, take up a Master's Course.
(Reason behind this step is because my uncle's family keep telling me I'm very young - only 21, and therefore have plenty of time(after graduation) to further my studies. They claimed once I started working, it would be hard to get back to studies, and it would be ideal to study while I still had this knowledge obtained from my Degree fresh in my mind. However, I want to earn my own keep as I am supposed to be the first among my siblings to graduate. )
2. Work in the media field for 3 to 4 years to build contacts, gain experience and get more exposure while I'm still young.
3. Settle down as a lecturer in some local University = fixed lifestyle and income. (It's not that ideal for a lady in my health condition to work day and night while traveling alone - bad for certain aspects and also my family would be worried sick in the long run)
4. Finally (if possible), around the age of 27 or 28, get married and start a family of my own, in which a fixed-hour job would allow me to spend time with my loved ones and get to know them more. Yes, I AM a domestic and family erm~ woman-to-be~!!!
Plan B - Work First
1. Work in the media field for 3 to 4 years to build contacts, gain experience and get more exposure while I'm still young and can survive the harsh weather(under storms and the scorching hot sun), speeding around on motorbikes etc...
2. Take up a Master's course when I'm more matured in thinking after a few years in the working field. Then take up some part-time piano teaching or private tuition for kids (some job that allows flexibility so that I can really concentrate on my research).
Step 3 & 4 are the same as above...
Plan C - Just Let God Lead Me Wherever He wants
Hmmm~ Despite my well-laid out plans above, I have already received God's calling to enter full-time Children's Ministry sometime ago but HE said not now, and that I should equip myself and be ready to respond when the time came. I don't know when, I don't know where exactly He'll send me and use me, but His calling came 3 times, each time clearer than the next on different occasions, and I just know that at the end of the day, I won't be contented or satisfied doing anything else for a lifetime other than this path He has chosen for me.
So yea, there's a Plan A and Plan B pinned above my head so that I have a goal to work for, but then, Plan C is the ultimate plan that rules above all - IT is sovereign... =)
Father, you are in control and my life is in your hands. I praise You, for You are my maker and I will live for you alone. Let this song be my prayer to you :
The Potter's Hands
Beautiful Lord, wonderful saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by, Your Holy calling
Set me apart
I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray
Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Hold me, Guide me
Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
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