I have so
many things to say, so many things to share. Yet, I cannot summon the energy to
write down everything properly.
During my Fb-messaging with my elder sis just now, I finally typed down this Properly.
During my Fb-messaging with my elder sis just now, I finally typed down this Properly.
" Seek ye first the kingdom
of God, and His righteousness. Then all these things will be added unto
you." (Matthew 6:33)
This verse recalled me to the time God called me for His
purpose the very Good Friday Charissa passed away. She was a very talented girl who loved God very much. And she was one year younger than me.
The day she passed away, I had a breakdown when I received the call from Nam Chuen.
Then later, I was sitting alone in church very early before the Good Friday service started. I don't remember exactly, but the conversation was something like this. Something like Peter's conversation with Jesus, but different.
God: " If I called you to the altar today, would you get up and follow me?"
Me: " (T_T) Well, to be honest, I don't know now, God. I used to think I would, at once. I'm so sorry. I'm very upset today. Today, I realized that life on earth is so short. Even for young people like us. How could this happen to Charissa? It is too sudden, she was too young.
I mean, God, you know I have already lost the closest family member I have. What would my family do if I left them?"
God: " Do you love me?"
Me: " You know I do Lord, but I love my family very much too."
God: " Do you love me?""
Me: "(struggling hard and weeping) God, You know I do. But my family...it's so hard to give up...what about my family? I love them. How can I ever leave my family if You want to take me far away?"
*Verse that comes through in head:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)
人到我這裡來，若不愛我勝過愛自己的父母、妻子、兒女、弟兄姐妹和自己的性命，就不能作我的門徒」路十四：26
Me: " God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...but who would take care of my family? My grandfather and grandmother? What about them?"
God: " If I have called you to me, do you think I would not take care of your family's needs? Do I not know your needs? Would I not care for them? Do you trust me enough, love me enough to seek my kingdom first?"
Me: " (struggles again and again)...Father, it is so hard...(T_T) But I do know that You will always take care of us, wherever we are, wherever we go...You are our God. You know I am weak, but You will lead me right? I know I can trust you. So I am willing. "
God :" Equip yourself and when I find you are ready, I will call you. Then come and follow me."
...
And after that, going home after service, I found true peace in my heart. To know that He truly had called me to His purpose. And helped me overcome my greatest fear and block that stopped me from proceeding.
First time He called, I was unsure because I was 14, next time in the year 2008 during the children's gospel training camp, and this was the Third time, at church, Good Friday year 2009. Fourth time, I registered last year(2011) under full-time ministry(some day) commitment under the Methodist Youth list during the 重燃一百度Camp.
From time to time, when I doubt, or falter in faith.
I always remember, and still seem to hear Mummy's words.
"I have raised my three girls the very best I can. And I am so proud to have all three of them. They are the greatest gifts God can give me. Though I have spent my entire life time teaching them, guiding them and equipping them with everything they need. I am sure that if one day, should God call them to follow Him. I will be proud to give them up to the Lord."
This is the memory that often makes me cry. And I remember it so clearly. For though she is no longer by my side, I know, that she has given me her blessing. Through her love I have experienced His greater love. And through her example, I inspire to become a woman that will give in her best to her family, to God and in life.
______________________________________________
The day she passed away, I had a breakdown when I received the call from Nam Chuen.
Then later, I was sitting alone in church very early before the Good Friday service started. I don't remember exactly, but the conversation was something like this. Something like Peter's conversation with Jesus, but different.
God: " If I called you to the altar today, would you get up and follow me?"
Me: " (T_T) Well, to be honest, I don't know now, God. I used to think I would, at once. I'm so sorry. I'm very upset today. Today, I realized that life on earth is so short. Even for young people like us. How could this happen to Charissa? It is too sudden, she was too young.
I mean, God, you know I have already lost the closest family member I have. What would my family do if I left them?"
God: " Do you love me?"
Me: " You know I do Lord, but I love my family very much too."
God: " Do you love me?""
Me: "(struggling hard and weeping) God, You know I do. But my family...it's so hard to give up...what about my family? I love them. How can I ever leave my family if You want to take me far away?"
*Verse that comes through in head:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)
人到我這裡來，若不愛我勝過愛自己的父母、妻子、兒女、弟兄姐妹和自己的性命，就不能作我的門徒」路十四：26
Me: " God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...but who would take care of my family? My grandfather and grandmother? What about them?"
God: " If I have called you to me, do you think I would not take care of your family's needs? Do I not know your needs? Would I not care for them? Do you trust me enough, love me enough to seek my kingdom first?"
Me: " (struggles again and again)...Father, it is so hard...(T_T) But I do know that You will always take care of us, wherever we are, wherever we go...You are our God. You know I am weak, but You will lead me right? I know I can trust you. So I am willing. "
God :" Equip yourself and when I find you are ready, I will call you. Then come and follow me."
...
And after that, going home after service, I found true peace in my heart. To know that He truly had called me to His purpose. And helped me overcome my greatest fear and block that stopped me from proceeding.
First time He called, I was unsure because I was 14, next time in the year 2008 during the children's gospel training camp, and this was the Third time, at church, Good Friday year 2009. Fourth time, I registered last year(2011) under full-time ministry(some day) commitment under the Methodist Youth list during the 重燃一百度Camp.
From time to time, when I doubt, or falter in faith.
I always remember, and still seem to hear Mummy's words.
"I have raised my three girls the very best I can. And I am so proud to have all three of them. They are the greatest gifts God can give me. Though I have spent my entire life time teaching them, guiding them and equipping them with everything they need. I am sure that if one day, should God call them to follow Him. I will be proud to give them up to the Lord."
This is the memory that often makes me cry. And I remember it so clearly. For though she is no longer by my side, I know, that she has given me her blessing. Through her love I have experienced His greater love. And through her example, I inspire to become a woman that will give in her best to her family, to God and in life.
______________________________________________
And
I know in some ways, you are still within our hearts, in our lives and in
everything I do today. Because you are part of me. You loved me like no one
else could ever love me. And I miss you so much.
Mummy, through you, I learned about God's love. And through you, I will learn to give back to Him. Thank you so much, for all you did; for the tears you shed for me, for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving your all to us, and I hope to grow up into a little woman you will always be proud of. (T_T)
Mummy, through you, I learned about God's love. And through you, I will learn to give back to Him. Thank you so much, for all you did; for the tears you shed for me, for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving your all to us, and I hope to grow up into a little woman you will always be proud of. (T_T)
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