Another Black Mark

First of all, since I seldom get to see Wei Lun nowadays, there was a vacancy for a younger brother, one who could share everything and anything in 清洁无伪的爱心 every day. So yea, brother CL has accepted the position. :D Quite happy actually.

Oh yea, I needed spiritual partners to help me grow, and recently God gave some to me, from my church. Three brothers and one sister.  I need more sisters still but as for now, I am grateful for them, as we help to keep each other in check and grow together in unity and love.

Yea, I have a new black mark in Pastor's book again. (T_T)

I had a panic attack out of the blue around 8pm today. Was supposed to go to prayer meeting at 8pm, then drama and mission trip meeting and practice at 9pm.

Suddenly…

Stomach cramps, toes threatened to cramp as well, then I faced difficulty in breathing. Actually I was really stressed out the whole day, tired and I made the mistake of drinking coffee(which made it harder to relax at all)

Then i couldn't sit or walk properly. At 8.30pm, ah bing took me to get something warm to eat/drink. And I had to text Ling En and Wincent, who got worried.

And they prayed for me. On the spot. Then I got better bit by bit. Then went to church with wobbly legs and feeling faint.

To find out EVERYONE had heard the news.

(T_+) And the moment I came down from the car, Pastor was asking me how I am and he told me I am not made to live in urban areas. I should go to rural areas, life pacing not so fast. My body cannot handle stress.

Then my Shirley got upset coz last time short mission I also scared her with a similar condition. We forgot what was it that I was panicky about, but yea, something like hard to breathe and so on…(T_T) When will I learn to completely surrender my worries and fears to God? He was in control.

Today was full of grace, we finished all the practices at 10.30pm and went for supper! So there was actually NOTHING to worry about! Walao! Oh ME of little faith!

God, again and again I have failed You, yet Your grace still sees me through. Thank you so much and help me to learn from my mistakes!!! (T_T)

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Hmmm~ I shall end my post with a funny note. Just re-read my post, erm...two posts ago and realized what it might SEEM like to an outsider. OH NO! No, that's not true! LOL LOL LOL! NO! The unfinished sentences are all not-related to the same story lorh...! LAUGH DIE ME! (Chinese)I am such a horrible blogger!

Okay fine, I shall unveil the TRUTH!

Here it is...

...

最近... ...觉得自己很三八. 
 挣扎, 因为不知道下一步该怎么做. 
...
Met the awkward moment when you know somethings didn’t change after all. Though you pretended it did. The You here refers to Me. 
...
Experienced the awkward moment when I…yea larh, felt awkward in front of the guy whom I had a crush on last time. I’m always worried he guessed about it. But yea, he’s not for me la. Dunno I 3 8  for what previously. Bad peer pressure, seriously. I blame Ainie. Okay fine, my own fault. 
...
Nearly gave in to temptation and rekindled something. Yea, SOMETHING. If you ask me What, then I will tell you, NO, NOTHING. So don’t ask.  
Anyway, you didn’t know me as much as you thought you did. And I’ve given you too much credit coz I thought you would be smarter than this. =.=
NOTHING!!! 
Nearly resorted to asking a sign from God to ask what is His plan for me. 

I KNOW! I’m still not sharing enough, but it will do lah. XP