Erm...For a start, I dislike the new layout and entire look of blogger now. WHY HAS IT CHANGED ITSELF OVERNIGHT huh?
Things have started getting really complicated recently. I'm talking about work here.
A storm suddenly blew up in our peaceful environment. Perhaps people are not happy about the close bond we have among our colleagues. No arguments, no politics, no taking sides...always sharing, always caring. It seems too good to be true.
We don't know for sure who it is that started the fire. But apparently, the big boss is very very prejudiced against K now. K is very upset coz someone has been backstabbing her like crazy and all she did was do her work, be helpful and non-calculative when it came to work outside our job-scope, and lie low to maintain a low profile. She always does the backstage work, is always around for us in times of trouble...even when she is sick, she will always know what is happening around office and guide us. She's the real leader in the office. But then, she is now accused of trying to "overthrow the government". =.=||| And being the ring leader that has made us gang up against Lee. =.=||| No such thing k.
Yesterday Lee was called to First Subang (Tan Sri's office) alone for a long long lecture and interrogation session. (>____<) Then this morning, we prepared very honest reports in wait for today's grand show down, which involved confrontations among trustees and the staff(us).
Lots of new rules and regulations were made, and somehow, all the new changes seem to be benefiting me alone and being very prejudiced towards K very obviously. =.=||| I don't like it, really. Coz this will build bridges among us and cause others to somehow, be beh song about it.
It's complicated.
I dunno about anything now. I dunno how to describe stuff in detail. My only protection is my being oblivious to stuff happening around me, my innocence and my image. In the complicated working environment where all types of characters and people meet, I have always manged to maintain a non-threatening image which is merely sweet, simple, and innocent. That is the impression everyone says I give out from beginning to the end. And it's because I've always been a non-threatening factor that I stand to gain friends. Also the reason why my superiors tend to like me as a staff and friend. Nothing has changed much actually.
To be honest, I sensed some darkening over my character towards the end of my time at toc but God pulled me out the same time I realized how I had started changing. Somehow by leaving God, by getting all empty and materialistic, I sort of picked up the art of manipulating, the art of charming your way through and other bad habits, such as swearing. But I started afresh at my new work place. Everything was new, and I dunno how to say this, but I believe God sort of wiped my brain clean from the previous bad influence. I was given a new slate and surprisingly, it is still clean until today.
Innocence. It seems that this is the only thing that protects me. It made mum June frustrated that a person with my mental state should be alive at this era; it made Qi doubt my genuineness and she took some time to observe before trusting me...It caused lots of jokes in office and different situations, but it was for this that my current boss treasured me; for this, that I was never picked as a target in any blame game.
I used to have totally no confidence in the amount of influence I have on others. But it seems today, that I can influence people who love me for who I am, the way one loves a child because he or she is just likable and they listen to him or her/do what he/she wants, because of kindness and they don't want to see the disappointment in the child's eyes. And suddenly this year, I find myself being burdened to share the gospel with some people who really care for me. Who were very very stirred by the fact that I am a christian, yet try to gain acceptance into my faith. I am lost for words to describe. What else can I say? Well, for the seed to be sowed, the battle with the weeds is not going to be fun.
I dunno. Things are complicated. I dunno why I keep repeating this. But except for my current colleagues who have to be God sent, tt seems, that in this big wide world, those who seem super nice to us cannot be trusted and I can't really read behind all these masks everyone seems to be wearing.
Zoe said it's experiences that help us learn to read people and I'm horrible at this. But she says, sometimes, the less you know, the happier you will be. Which is some sort of blessing.
She told me:
要堅持單純，
卻又不能變成幼稚。
要相信夢想，
卻也要瞭解世界的殘酷。
要做自己。
Yes...who am I today? I hope to find myself.
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