Boys and Their Toys

I told the Secret(no one else knows, and no one else shall know...haha) to Debbie. It's kind of like a relief to get it off my chest. *sighs aloud~  I felt so much better to relate the matter to someone I trust, and girls have their own secrets you know. Cannot always tell simply anyone everything.

So this shall remain a girl's secret. A girl in singular form. That girl shall be me.  Okay fine, plural coz it includes Debbie now.

Recently got a lot of 烂桃花。虽然说"窈窕淑女，君子好求" (HAHAHA! I flatter myself sometimes) Not all 烂 lah,  BUT I guess it's just normal for some lonely guys to be attracted by my attributes as a very stereotyped version of a girl. In general, the opposite sex(I refer to new friends with other intentions) either like me, or hate me. Haha.

Okay la, back to the topic.

I dislike mixed signals, all the testing of waters...and I suck in that too. Currently experiencing another complicated matter. I guess as of always, everything starts off simple. But then, why do things have to get complicated? Somehow, I guess hormones get mad. Coz after all, opposites do attract right? Or maybe it's just my problem, I dunno.

Sometimes I think I suspect something. Other times the other party sends another type of signal(I dunno, maybe to cover up or what...I don't know, and I don't want to know(at least for now)). So it makes me flustered, scared and I tread more carefully now. I choose to not know, really.

I'm not stupid or as naive as last time, so I do tend to suspect. And I can't say I may be 100% wrong, because being a female, I have instincts as well.

I think I have been sending mixed signals of late as well. =.=|||  I regret doing so, and I promise myself to stop doing it as well(though it's hard). My heart says maybe, (coz it is always stupid...) but my brain says it is not the right time.

Anyway, I don't even know whether it is true.

What I want to say is(or maybe the Stand I want to make for myself is), I'm not ready, and will not be ready anytime so soon. Maybe one more year, maybe another two more...I don't know. What I know is, I've wasted too much time crying, moping, and depressing over similar problems, besides sacrificing my health(mental, physical and spiritual) in the process.

It's time for me to enjoy being single while I can, learn what God wants me to learn...and enjoy pure sweet friendship and fellowship! As I've said before, maybe that's His plan for me!

So why drag unwary victims into the pit right?

Note to self:

"你要保守你心,胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效，是由心发出。（箴4:23 ）


We shared this bible phrase with one another(my group) during the last prayer meeting we attended. I know what the fruits of the spirit are and if anything other than those come out from my conduct, thoughts and behavior, it shows that seeds of sin have been rooted inside my heart. I must pull them out before further damage is done. Yes Dawn, stop sinning and leading others to sin as well.

You know, men are different. But sometimes boys will just be boys. They see a toy, they like it, they lust after it and pester until their parents buy it for them. Then this particular toy becomes a favorite toy for a few months...they play with it day and night, take good care of it(or not...haha), then somehow they get tired and bored after a bit, turn to other toys again and stick the new toy into a corner. And there it stays until the next time they feel like playing with it again.

And no, the toy is not honored to stand in a corner of that huge house you own, gathering dust, together with a million other things. Toys, should they have real actual emotions, though they may be only toys, would still, I'm sure, prefer to be loved, treasured and not taken for granted.

So yea, after so much past experience in this nightmare of a walk. I've decided to really protect myself, just ignore, quit giving any inappropriate signals, and let God's nature take its' course.

Instead of guessing, crossing over the grey borders and etc, I will just stand where I am. Hold on to my big Daddy's hand and wait for my prince to come(or not)...Haha. I don't see it as that important anymore. Since men are made to pursue, I believe when both he and I are ready, my heavenly Father will give my hand away to the man that deserves to claim his prize. Or that person might be non-existent.  So I may just hug my Daddy tight with both arms. LOL. All I know is, I'm not ready now, and am more of a disaster than a prize.

But hey, patience is a spiritual fruit right? After all, I promised God one year. And for the first time since so many years ago, I feel so happy, really.

I'm no longer thinking about a particular someone, no longer confused...no longer suffering/struggling/hurting/ bitter...so sometimes ignorance(real or pretend wan) is still bliss.