感触...

Suddenly feel quite sad today. Dunno how to describe it and dunno how to voice out subtly here.

Was in the "accounts room" typing all day long so I had the privilege of not having to pick up any phone calls today. Used my earphones to listen to Worship songs and other random nice songs as I worked.

It's been a while since I actually listened to any songs properly. Different songs brought back different memories to me this evening. And I suddenly felt sad. Sad as in solemn, but not emotional. Those memories brought back some shadows of pain, somewhat unfathomable for those who have never experienced the same...but in some ways, those memories were bitter sweet as well.

I just realised that I've changed a bit. I can't say it's a big improvement of any sort. BUT it's been so long since I had any loud emotional bursts that leave me feeling weak, internally exhausted and wallowing in self-pity as an aftermath.

Looking back, there were so many times I cried alone in my room. There were times of great outbursts including smothered screams in a pillow, tears shed quietly on a calm night, wild angry sobs just let out freely...but in all, I still remember the feelings of how I thought my heart would just break and the pain would eventually kill me. It hurt so much, every time. Well, I have managed to pass through all by the grace of God. And here I am today.

I guess I have partially left the very emotional stage. Is this a part of growing up too? I no longer spend idle time getting all worked up in my room. Probably thanks to my busy shedule, I don't have time to dwell on trifle issues that are no longer that important to me. I believe in all things, God is working and He is always in control. Why weep and worry when my Father is taking care of everything?

Nevertheless, I do understand and appreciate the tears and the pain that helped me grow, all part and parcel of life.

There are a few 18-year olds who look up to me as their senior and mentor. I am expected to be sensible, provide advice and solutions and listen to their sharing of many issues I used to encounter before. There were family problems, inferiority complex, issues with friends, school work, serving and also BGR.

It was not easy getting over many things. And to be honest, I lost faith in certain areas. But then, come what may, my God has never left my side, and He was always, always with me. He sent angels on earth to sustain and comfort me in the form of lovely friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, not to mention my loving family, all whom have never failed me before.

I would like to dedicate this song to myself and Hue Wen(if you are reading this). To know that in all situations, our God reigns and He is everlasting, ever faithful, ever loving.

(P/s: Click Link on Song Title to Listen)

歌曲:我愿意
歌手:小羊诗歌
专辑:我愿意
我愿意
演唱：小羊诗歌
专辑：我愿意

每一天 你定睛垂顾
好像我是你唯一的孩子
每一天 你侧耳垂听
好像世上没有别的祷告
多少不为人知的愁苦
多少不曾掉落的眼泪
我发现你知道 你全都知道

CHORUS:
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
从你手中接受每个环境
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
这是我所需 是于我有益
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
交出自己 信任你美意
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
你永远良善 全然是爱

多少不为人知的愁苦
多少不曾掉落的眼泪
我发现你知道 你全都知道

CHORUS:
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
从你手中接受每个环境
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
这是我所需 是于我有益
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
交出自己 信任你美意
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
你永远良善 全然是爱

我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
从你手中接受每个环境
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
这是我所需 是于我有益
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
交出自己 信任你美意
我愿意 我愿意 我愿意
你永远良善 全然是爱
我愿意 我愿意
I do I do Ido 我愿意