Tired

It's been a while since I last posted. There's so many things I wanted to blog about randomly every day but too many tasks to settle, I just don't have time for myself.

Went back to celebrate mother's day with Popo last week. Turned out I felt sorry for daddy, coz I made him super awkward during Sunday service, because despite spending an entire Saturday night emo-ing early in bed around 10pm, I still cried buckets uncontrollably right from the start of the service(when everyone was wishing each other happy Parents day =.=||| until the end of Praise and Worship). The thing is, I was wearing a white plain tee paired with my floral skirt and the tears kind of dribbled all down me and I didn't care, until erm...my shirt got transparent...WTH~ Zzzzzzzzz..I hope nobody saw la.

Hmmm~ Let me just list down some updates about my current life(coz this is my blog) in no particular order.

I'm still not talking to BB. Been having this vow of silence thing going on ever since I cried in a corner at the office for the umpteen time after another really childish quarrel. To tell the truth, I can't believe it actually happened! Too exhausted and too tired to stop and dwell on ungentlemanly friends who are unfeeling, shallow and immature. Just because you never cared enough for another person to want to protect them from harm anyway you can, and you worry about that person day and night, DOES NOT mean other people are like you! So I decided not to bother since bothering won't help anyway. I guess he's waiting for me to be friendly again towards him. I even considered deleting him from my facebook again, but decided against this unnecessary action as it's just not right. What are friends for if you can only share happy stuff, laugh and play together, but cannot share anything else with them right? PIFT!

Fine, that said, it's now time to talk about my job. You know, I asked God for a sign, that when I am allowed to leave in His plan and timing, that He will bring someone to take me away. So that kind of explains the question everyone is asking him whenever I turn pale, lose weight and appetite, fall sick and cry non-stop over my work. I'm still waiting to learn, waiting for the right time and waiting for Him to guide me, and not take things into my own hands, and do it my way. Anyway, I have a job offer from my church mate cum sunday school colleague whom I met at my work place first. She's offering me a post of as a secretary under some foundation under some Tan Sri, and I've to write speeches, translate, meet people, and so on. Pay offered is RM 3000 if I'm sure I'm good. Office hours, but working at Subang. She's resigned from her post as an editor at China Press and working as a Personal Assistant there. Thing is, they just asked me for my resume and she's been calling me really frequently, but her colleague in charge of interviewing me, is too busy yet to set an appointment, so I'm not sure about this.

Been having a super hectic schedule recently in view of my upcoming short local mission trip. Because 蜀中无大将, so 廖化 had to 为先锋. Due to the timing set for this trip, our experienced Sunday school teachers were all not available so I'm in charge for the entire planning of the bible vocational fun school and Talent time which is going to be the highlight to attract the parents to the evangelism night. We had to record all the program items in a demo to send through a dvD to the church for the sunday school teachers to start practicing among their classes. Glad I was exposed to local missions last year to gain experience. What with work, freelancing, part-time, Mission trip preparation, recordings, and so on, I'm in church around 4 days a week after work and slightly burnt out.

So thankful our new youth advisor has organised this special "building" prayer meeting at 6pm for a few individuals before our Friday Youth prayer meeting every Friday night at 8pm. I'm always "attacked" whenever I go, because it is really life-changing. So far, meetings have been on for 4 times, I've only managed to attend twice and boy was it tough to get there! First time, it poured cats and dogs when I reached home and I was near fainting with exhaustion, nearly kena hit by lightning, couldn't catch a cab, cab took me to wrong place and wanted me to get down, etc...but I just knew I had to get there. And I know why the devil wanted to stop me from getting there, cause there was so much to be gained by going. Second time, a whole chain of events happened right when I was going to leave from work to church, lorry from transporter I ordered from to fetch the marketing materials came late. It was carrying paint which overturned and sprayed or due to the quantity, should we say POURED torrents of paint down our whole college pathway(with black and grey "rain"). It was so much like a movie! After exclamations of dismay from the maintenance crew and the security guards blaming me for everything...we had to wait for a replacement lorry, and me and another two colleagues had to carry 200 over kg of materials manually down the slope to the 6-tonne lorry waiting outside. I was crying at the end because I was down with flu since the afternoon and all this had to happen and I was blaming myself. And it was 5.35pm! So my colleague had to fetch me to the LRT station and I was going to go to church straight from there although my hair was in a mess, I stank and I didn't like it that way. Then my church mate fetched me from LRT station and took the wrong turning to my apartment instead. (T_T) Coz apparently, I looked like I wanted to sleep and bathe and he thought I was sick, hence the call to ask him to fetch me home from the LRT near church. :'( So I was late for the small focus group prayer meeting and everyone waited for me! Okay la, everyone is only 3 others, including our advisor. But boy, the connection was really great that day if you know what I meant. I finally managed to enter the spiritual realm again(if you know what I mean) after sooo sooooo long and I came out, feeling refreshed, flu healed, body ache gone and reunited to my Father again, being touched and reminded that there is nothing in this world that can separate me from His love.


Love, Love, Love, I came clean before everyone. I don't need it now, don't want it now and am still full of resent, hurt and anger somewhere deep inside. I don't want to face any of them, don't know how to and I know I need "inner healing". However, the idea of the how painful the process will be(as it always is) frightens me and I'm not sure I want to face it now in my current exhausted situation. But my youth advisor will help me, I'm sure. So glad I have so many people who care for me so much, my pastor, pastor's wife, Xiao Han, Rebecca, and all my little brothers and sisters, and HW back in hometown. Not to forget my family, but I didn't really update them about everything of course. We went to this Teacher's training camp two weeks ago, Xiao Han prayed for me, and God helped me get over the crush I was mentioning in the few posts ago. I'm so thankful for that. Of course I didn't tell her who it was, or why it happened, but we prayed, I cried and the feeling kind of snapped out when we were done. The Lord is amazing for how else can you stop crushing on someone after a year of crushing, and stop in 5 minutes! But now I feel so small and stupid when I see him. Nevertheless, my heart has stopped beating abnormally and all other symptoms have stopped and are replaced with humiliation and mortification.

Oh, my sifu, David is back from New York!!!! And he's holding a Sacred Music concert at the old Lutheran church in June! We can catch up! *happy~ I think he'll be relieved to hear that I'm back to a Methodist church again.

Am tired now and tomorrow is a long day ahead. I'll be really good and go to bed now. And oh!!!! Forgot to mention, my blood test result a.k.a. full, very detailed medical report is out! Apparently, despite all my sickness, gastric pain and stuff, I'm perfectly healthy! Except the bit where my blood density is still low, I'm fine! In fact, I'm fit! WOW! (O.o) Sometimes I impress myself! So all my sickness and weakness, is, as the doctor puts it, due to my unhealthy and irregular plus highly stressful lifestyle. Not because of anything wrong with my body! So let's praise the Lord!