What an irony. After everything, I don't want it now. Not forever, I mean. Just, not now.
Popo is starting to worry about me actually. She has started asking me every time I go back. About my status.
To be honest, now that I don't want it. A lot of weird people are having crushes on me. Church friend ada =.=|||, college students ada, and even college graduates whom I interviewed (WTH). All of whom feel like I need to be taken care of, and that they can protect me and look after me. Well, I would like to thank these nice people for their kind and well-meaning, erm, intentions, but sorry to say this, I know you're not the right person/ people for me.
But then, I know, and strongly believe one thing. That He has prepared someone out there, just for me. Someone I may know now, or may not know now. And I don't care who it is anymore. Why? Because my Father knows what's best for me. Who knows, if He has a better plan for me, I might end up not being a bride at all. This is hard to imagine, that said, coming from a girl who grew up wanting to get married since the tender age of 5 years old. But then, He will replace the empty space in my heart with Himself and He is my Shepard, I shall not be in want.
I just opened my old secondary school diary. And read a little bit of what was inside. And it still hurt so bad, I closed it. Apparently the 17-year old me and the current me have something in common - we are afraid to face the past. We prefer the old wounds to be buried deep inside, and pretend nothing happened. But that's not going to change things or make them better right? This shows, I haven't grow much in this particular area, and it shall forever become my stumbling stone, until I grow out of hiding.
It also shows I'm not worthy for my knight in shining armor to come and get me now. My idea of true love is someone who can help me become a better person. To love me for who I am, and help me love God more. Someone whom I can share my dreams with, serve the Lord with; a man who will love me and support me without spoiling me. Care for me and make me care for him the same way. Riches and fame are nothing in life. We come and go from earth empty-handed. I want to be a woman who is both feminine, confident in her own skin, loyal, submissive, supportive, understanding, selfless and one who can complete her husband. I'm not any of the above yet, so I'm not ready to receive the gift of love in terms of boy girl relationship. I have so many areas I still need to improve on, to grow and move on from the past.
I'm willing to wait, for there is someone out there, patiently waiting for me to grow.
So here's a nice song I want to share, with ~ erm... myself since the number of readers on this blog are more restricted than ever.
不要驚動愛情
【真的戀愛了】電影插曲
主唱：高皓正
歌詞
很想輕撫你 所以避開你
寧願用距離 去令你好奇
迴避過眼神 先偷偷喘氣
吩咐手臂 放在原地
傳聞浪漫太快 愛戀都走得快
才會 遲遲未步向你 說一世愛護你
＊情太過洶湧像深海 而我卻會忍耐
但求來日你醒過來
這份情像翅膀打開
還沒有相擁別意外 神教會我等待
待情流像細水 才去承諾你
拿一生兌換愛
很心急擁抱 所以在禱告
求甜蜜以前 帶著你慢步
遊歷過旅途 等一天終老
生老病死 一起細數
原來慢慢靠近 更珍惜這一吻
而我 停留是為了你 要給予你護蔭
＊REPEAT
能為愛戀學習按耐 情信寄進心內
但求能學會倚靠神
愛被馴服過更精采
連地老天荒亦不更改 時間永遠等待
等你情願那天 才去承諾你
無止境那份愛
我用沈默叫醒愛情 你用期待做你反應
繼續行近直至開始愛
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