(**Pardon the grammar mistakes as you go along, I'm pressed for time as I have a mission trip to go to after this. But I had to write this before I returned tonight.)
I feel sad that you had to go through this the way I did when I was 18 too. The hope of romance for the first time, the curiosity of what would happen next,the giving in of values, the secret of hugging the desired but forbidden fruit and at the end, got hurt, the same way I did. Just because we thought we loved.
I went through many rounds of this turmoil and I still needed to undergo counselling from a pastor yesterday as a result. I hope you never take the road I did just because we were unwilling to wait.
True love in the right prospect is always God-fearing and will bring both of you closer to God. If God is not in your midst, then maybe that was never love. God is Holy and if He was in your presence, would things happen? That was your bodily desires, your own will to find out what would happen next. But inside you, your conscience never stopped knocking at the door, just that we closed our ears to it because we wanted something to happen so much.
If any part of you is feeling guilt now, either to God or yourself. Just understand that Jesus never persecuted the woman who committed adultery. He never threw stones at her, but rather, asked anyone who claimed himself to be sinless to step out and throw the first stone. Did anyone do that? Who has the right to judge you? Is anyone of us without sin? Jesus loved the woman all the same, even though she did wrong. So wrong. He said to her "Go in peace and never sin again." Such acceptance! Such forgiveness and do you think the woman changed then? After each mountain you climb and fall, the most precious thing is what you learnt. God allowed things to happen for a reason. Would you change? Will you be good enough to wait, because you know HE who loves you the most will never give anything less than the BEST for you, whom he knows the best.
God's love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
HE loved us first, therefore we love. But do we know how much He gave, how much He loves us in the first place? And yet, we were going against His will, knowing we went astray. I do not blame you, for I did the same, so many times. But it doesn't mean it was right. Wanting to do the right thing for our Father who loves us would have made a lot of difference.
How to get through this and move on? There's no shortcut. It's back to God of course. We might not want to face this and move on in the first place as we wallow in self-pity and hatred etc. But the bible very clearly tells us.
“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.” (James 5:13)
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)
“… But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness …” (Nehemiah 9:17)
So what are we waiting for? Negative feelings don't come from God, in this case. Put on some very quiet spiritual music and follow the steps below.
1. Pray for protection as you start your prayer first. That the blood of our Lord Jesus cover you, cleanse you and proclaim that it can heal you.
2. Understand that God has the power to heal our hurt. Now tell Him in your own words EVERYTHING that happened to you or you did, and bring the problem that underlies to exposure or light so that the devil can no longer persecute you.
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” (Ephesians 3:20)
3. Know that God still loves you, no matter what.
“For I am the Lord, I do not change …” (Malachi 3:6)
Now pray for forgiveness for the things you did as mentioned above. Pray that He cut off all bonds and scars from this incident, cleanse you entirely, and renew His covenant with you.
“For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord. (Jeremiah 30:17)
“O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You have healed me.” (Psalm 30:2)
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds … Great is our Lord, and mighty in power …” (Psalm 147:3)
(***Remember, the first block, and this is a major one, is the sin of unforgiveness. God the Father will not even begin to hear any of your own personal prayers if you are holding any kind of unforgiveness towards anyone. And if God will not hear any of your own personal prayers.)
“AND WHENEVER YOU STAND PRAYING, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)
So what do you do?
4. Tell Him that even though you may not “feel” like you are forgiving these people within your own mind and emotions – tell Him that you are now taking a bold step of faith and that you will now make this confession with your mouth, out of your mind, and that you will do your best not to hold the past against this person or these people. Tell God that you are willing to forgive, because you know God forgave you first.
If you are willing to take this kind of powerful stand with the Lord, then over the course of time God will start to take out the negative emotions of that unforgiveness, and pretty soon you will no longer even feel this unforgiveness towards that person like you had in the past. God will do inner spiritual surgery on the inside of you to remove all of those negative feelings.
5. The last step is the hardest but once you've done it, you feel so much better. Pray for God to bless the person or people who have hurt you! Pray for God to forgive that person for what they have done too, intentionally, or unintentionally, then ask for God to bless you as you depart your ways. I know this is super super hard, but that's what you need to move on.
Have faith, seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened up to you. I will be keeping you in my prayers too. Take good care and remember,
Lamentations 3:22-23 - Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. 23They are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness.
Looking back, do you think that was love? Or just passion for a short-time, curiosity and too much freedom? True love is walking in the light of God, being aware of His guidance and presence throughout and helping each other become a better person. THat's what Adam and Eve were made for. May God bless you with patience to wait, knowing that All Things Work Well For Those Who Love God. May His light shine on your path, as you continue to know our Father better, experience Him more and grow up loving Him deeper.
I love you too. And I will always be here when you need me. I'm just a prayer away. :)
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