(**Disclaimer: I'm writing this post in an ANGRY mood, so all the ranting below ought to be forgiven if it hurts anyone intentionally or unintentionally coz this is MY blog, YOU chose to read it and so bear the consequences whatever may come k.~ )
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First of all, I just want to shout out loud "你的事啦！". Don't ask me why k. I just feel like slapping someone. HARD. Naf said about this. Topic closed. Next please.
Okay, maybe not let's not close it until I wrap up my post. From the side of a WOMAN, I just hate those guys that jump into relationships to fill up their time. Hate it when they always consider themselves above all and never think of how others feel. Hate it when they are selfish beasts that get bored in the end, chill off(in their own time) and leave people hanging by half a thread. What are we? Spare tires? Virtual pets to pet when you're free, and shut down when you're busy? Or what? At first I thought I was abnormally clingy and attention-seeking, but apparently that was too much for any woman to stand. According to ALL my colleagues and friends, that was too much. You need to sacrifice and invest to let a tree grow. Not trim it when you like and leave it when you don't like. Contact and communication is essential to keep the fire going. I mean, seriously, even my colleagues with Long Distance Relationships had more than me. And that's from US and Australia for 5 years already! So ALL these dogs should be hanged! For REAL! We are not a piece of decoration and when you are not ready to commit, don't start for heaven's sake! I mean, I should be the one to leave FIRST! And why am I always the one that kena dumped aaaaaa? And I was the one to be unhappy first. This goes to show women can be really stupid. Whatever la, it's over, but please let me learn to dump some stupid guy if I'm unhappy with him already before I become the victim.
Anyway, just spent an emo Friday in great period pain after work at 7pm. So I didn't get to go prayer meeting. So I spent a whole precious 3-hours listening to worship songs, crying non-stop and reviewing some items which I should have thrown away by now. But it was nice at 10pm when supper arrived to my doorstep in the form of hot meatball noodles. Let's face it. Some guys will treasure you and others just treat you like a spare tyre to turn to when they're bored or lonely. But then, at the end of the day, it's still unrequited love, as of what we learnt for the theme of "Phantom of the Opera". I guess I've lost my ability to love, which is kind of a mixture between a good and bad thing.
The good thing is, I think as an auto reflex emergency prevention(to stop the owner from doing something stupid), my brain kind of deleted all evidence of the previous relationship. I honestly do not remember anything, save that it happened and I was angry. And it won't happen again. The bad thing is, inside somewhere, everything and all the bad experiences have lumped together to form this huge explosive ball of hurt that comes out once in a while, gets me really wrecked and unimaginably emotional to a certain extent I want to commit suicide but then, cools down because I know one day, it will all come out and God will make it better. And now writing this makes me want my mummy again. (T_T) I hate bastards!
Then, I have this crush on this amazing person, who will never know(unless I die or what) but I'm scared. He's just too perfect and I don't even know whether he'll notice me at all. Okay la, he did, but then...I might not be his type right? Aiya, I dunno la. Let's not give me false hopes.(If my sisters are reading this blog, just shhhhh, I know you don't think much of his looks but SHHHhhhh). Nevertheless, I dunno la. Past experiences have taught me that I need someone who can help me grow, and grow together with me. Not someone who just treats me as a princess and cannot lead me at all. Orang suka kita ada, kita suka orang pun ada. But then I have this strange uncomfortable feeling that God might want me to be independent forever. HORRIBLE horh? But then, if that is His way, then let it be.
Okay, let's talk about something happier. I got to meet my besties from class(date with besties from college to be confirmed)last saturday after youth. I missed them so much!!!! I mean, I do meet up with Nat and all but then, Eve came all the way from Alor Setar to spend 3 hours with us, and she had to go back again on Sunday morning. I wanted to cry when we parted. I mean, they're not perfect of course, but Eve and Nat were two girls who accepted me for my silliness, loved me and tried to protect me whenever they could and were always there for me during college days. They are my besties next to Kricia Bee and Debbie of course.
And oh, I love my cell group, mission team, Sunday school and all. In fact I love my church and hanging out with my brothers and sisters at all times coz they're such a group of "mixable" people if you get what I mean. I don't know what I'd do without mini Nat seriously. Our age gap is a freaking 7 years but then she's so sweet and lovable laaaa! I tell all my secrets to her, and only her. I mean, she knows the whole story of what IS happening, not my past of course, but at least, I can always depend on her and her awesome mom.
And I'm going to leave my job somewhere around September I guess. Told boss already(I know, FINALLY). Gonna update my resume soon.
Hmmmmm~ No mood to write anymore. I wanted to blog last night but no internet. BUT streamyx intaller coming tomorrow night!!!! AWESOME or what??
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