Down the Valley

Guys suck. Guys suck. Not all guys suck but the ones I met, fell in love with and all that shit SUCK big time. And no, I'm not a sexist.

I'm afraid to fall in love again. Love casts out fear, I know that. But then, it hurts too much for me to venture into that aspect again. Yes, sometimes I feel lonely, insecure and sad. But that's not a good reason to start a new relationship I know. I mean, sometimes these days I feel so tired, so mad and so unhappy that I get touched easily by anyone who shows concern or sympathy towards me. Which is good in one way,coz I know God blesses me with awesome friends but really bad in another way. I mean, I have to say this out loud or I'll burst.

Secret: I got so emotional the other day, I nearly did something really stupid and really really wrong. Wrong, as in like, really crazy. I nearly kissed a friend of mine! Can you imagine that? NOT because I loved that person or anything in particular. But maybe I was just drunk with sadness. BLEARRRRRRRRGHHH~!!!!I praise God that I did NOT do it. At the end, I just cried alone in my room. .How could I be so stupid. Why do horrible people come into my life and just ruin it. Why give me hope and take it away? I know God wants me to grow, to learn, but it hurts too much now I don't know what to say or how to deal with it. It's not just in the relationship aspect that makes me miserable now. Also 50% is about work and I don't even know how to share properly. I feel driven up the wall. And I thought I'd just gotten out of depression. I want to scream and cry and I dunno what else. It's hard to breathe.