"What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nightsAre your mercies in disguise" (by Laura Story)
I knew we were fragile, I know good people come into our lives for a reason, but not everyone stays around forever.
To prevent really unnecessary gossip or projection from any other opinions, I guess I'd just write here. Maybe also to refresh my train of thoughts.
1. I posted my gown selection pics in a group and the other two gave really lukewarm insincere responses. I guess I cannot force everyone to be interested in my life but I was upset and T told me that it's okay, and I can either be a childish bitch upright and be frank enough to rant "I angry coz no one interested in my dress selection process" or just keep quiet, if it's not a mountain worth dying on. To leave the group is merely petty and immature. No one wants to do that unless I don't value the relationship at all.
2. Calmed down and explained I hadn't actually got proposed to. Coz really it was out of convenience that we were planning to do our Prewedding shot early. And I wonder when T is actually gonna propose. Quite frustrating.
3. Since nobody replied or indicated interest then suan4 lah I cannot talk to myself. Nor can I force unwilling people to talk to me.
4. T proposed. It was super tiring on that day and things happened in a whirlwind. Was having a flu and it was a really tiring day. Only texted my immediate family to inform them.
5. Decided it was way too much of a hassle to talk to the air that night (and get ignored), or announce to uninterested people, so rather, posted the update/event on Instag instead (filtered audience), and not the mass on Facebook. Those who will be interested, will be interested (after all, we send wishes to colleagues/friends and relatives on Instag), those who are not, just won't bother.
6. Received lots of well wishes from various well-meaning parties, except the two expected fellas in the group. The two people then proceeded to leave our group. Ah well, what can I do? They were interested anyway. Also...not like anyone can force people to be happy for you kan?
Anyway, to cut the long story short.
Work has been crazy so far, but fulfilling. Finally finally got to booking the church and restaurant to finalise the dates. David's last gift to me was his happiness to receive the good news, then persuading the church board to give me a rental discount by free-will offering. I'll always be grateful for his kindness in my life. I do regret that I will never see his smiling cheerful face on my big day. He was like the Iconic face whenever I went back to the church. Will miss him a lot.
On another note, managed to text everyone important in diff stages of our lives to inform them of our dates. As expected, only two people rejected my invitation to our wedding so far. One was more honest upfront, the other is still thinking of a good reason to reject. I guess I should stop focusing on this sad fact but be grateful to all the other people who are willing to come from Penang, Sibu, Miri, Bintulu and overseas to celebrate with us. Coz like I said, we cannot force others to rejoice with us, but we can, definitely appreciate those who want to show their love to us.
The thing that helps us move forward? Counting our blessings. Weep not for the beautiful memories we once had, but be thankful for them, be grateful that I had them once. They were beautiful, they were dear, though temporal. And I am thankful that I had good friends once upon a time. Friends that were both kind, patient with me and they were a blessing. And so we close the chapter.
